A Watermelon explains Oranges

As it occured to me that i was in dire need of inspiration, a close male friend of mine recently suggested a topic for the blog....

The conversation went something like this …….

‘The world needs insight into how girls view guys, cause we have no bloody idea. If a guy likes a girl, he's expected to ask her out...it's very rare that a girl will ask out a guy....so how does a girl let a guy know that she likes him? Are there signals or motions or a different perfume or post-it notes.....how does it work? Is there something like a "The top 10 signs a girl likes you - A beginners guide to women"’

Firstly I would like to declare that I am probably the most inappropriate person to be distributing such advice and there are many (much better) blogs dedicated to this kind of stuff.

I have relationships and flings by pure accident rather than any intentional message I'd be sending my unwitting counterpart. Plus if I do actually like a guy….the signals I emit are probably in stark contrast to what the majority of other females would be displaying due to my complete lack of self control and emotional volatility.

That said, let's give it a crack anyway.

I regret that it somewhat resembles an article from Cleo magazine but here is what I have been able to fumble together.

For sequential purposes I have started from the very bottom…so to speak.

A) Signs that she is totally not interested, not now, not ever;
1. You are greeted with deadly silence when saying hello, good day, good evening or good night
2. An excuse is made to leave the room whenever you enter it
3. She makes no secret of speaking about how vile she thinks you are to fellow co workers and or mutual friends

B) Signs that you are tolerable and she genuinely wants to be your mate (not fuck buddy…just mates);
1. Turns an invitation that initially involved just the 2 of you into a ‘group’ event
2. Smiles sweetly and pats you on the back while barring your drunken advances
3. Pervs on other women with you and suggests that you should make a move on the brunette at the bar with the sweet ass

C) Signs that she likes you enough to agree to have a drink and or see a movie;1. She laughs at your jokes…like ….really laughs at them. Not just a polite chuckle. If you can’t tell the difference between the two, my advice would be to count your losses
2. She makes great eye contact. So much that it will make you nervous and possibly want to look away.
3. She subtly suggests that she could use some help with {insert your hobby / career / talent here} and leaves open a scenario where you might be able to lend some assistance.

D) Signs that she thinks you are really cute and really, really wants you to ask her out to dinner;
1. She giggles inappropriately at every opportunity and continuously flicks her hair while batting her eyelids wildly in your direction
2. She emails / texts you just to say hello…..a lot
(note: this does not apply if the status of ‘mates’ has already been established. See example B point 1)
3. She interrogates your friends and or colleagues on your marital status (If you happen to be in a relationship she may also go to the lengths of asking whether or not you are happy together)

E) Signs she is obscenely obsessed with you and wants to have your children;1. She already knows the names of your parents, siblings and best mates
2. She is rubbing your leg / back / arm while seated next to you
3. She wears wonderful clothes that show more skin than a high five, leaving nothing to the imagination

So there you have it, the watermelon take on how to know if you’ve made a woman tick. Clear as mud yeah?