Panic to an outsider

I do often wonder what it looks like to an outsider.


If anybody were to glance in my direction, or, god forbid speak to me, it's possible I could spontaneously combust. I will burst into flames and disintegrate on the spot.

In my realm of existence there is swirl of dangerously charged energy channeling in and around my heart my, my lungs, my legs.

Dangerous and terrifying energy. It burns my skin, it heats me up like a fireball - emitting sparks through the sweat on my skin.

The energy is, effectively suspending me in time. All in an effort to ensure I am ready to take action. This would have to be the most debilitating and frightening aspect of it all. At the point of suspension, you quite literally don't know which direction your body will or wants to take.

The conundrum that is never knowing whether you need to flee like the wind or sink within yourself and become so tiny so that no one can see you or hear you breath. Whether you need to strike a combat pose ready to face the imminent danger that is within your touchable and seeable reality or to ensure you disappear into a vacuum of emptiness where no one can physically, emotionally or spiritually get to you. Ever.

And all of this happens within seconds, milliseconds even. It happens so quick that you haven't even had a chance to translate any of this into a concious thought. It is quite succinctly happening, subconciously. 

Hence the ability to 'rationalise and be logical' is thrown out the proverbial window. It is lost. You cannot respond to anything cognitive at this point, it's primal, it's in the body. In my body and it has taken me over.

Subsequently what I have learnt is that the only way through to my subconcious is back through my body. There is no direct path. If ....and I mean if I am able to calm my physical body, through whatever means neccessary it becomes possible to start using the positive and rational thoughts to facilitate the rest of the way out. 

The challenge is that this takes time, something that becomes very scarce when it takes a hold. Time, almost, doesn't exist. At least not within the laws we know to be 'true'. Between buying time and inducing calm, there is a way out. As one of the wisest people once said, it's simple but it's not easy.